Sweet Transvestite
by Zellicy
Summary: Mello gets a new roommate who acts really strange. Apparently Mello reminds Matt of someone from a movie. Crack/implied sex/lots of swearing.


**Sweet Transvestite: **Mello gets a new roommate who acts really odd. Apparently Mello reminds him of someone from a movie. What happens when Matt shows Mello the movie? Crack/Humor implied sex. Lot's of Swearing because, well, it's Matt and Mello.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Death Note. Obviously, or else I wouldn't be posting this story here.

**A/N: **Okay, so this really isn't the kind of fic that I wanted to submit as my debut, but I had a lot of fun writing it so whatever.

It's crack. there's not much else I can say other than this was one of those ideas that come to you at 4am when you're sleeping and you leap out of your bed, scribble down a summary and then go back to sleep.

Hopefully I'll be able to get my ass in gear and finish something actually worthwhile, but for now, enjoy this.

Oh, It's not really a HUGE deal, but I get kind of weirded out writing about 14 year olds having sex (even if it is Matt and Mello), so I like to think of them as like 15 in the beginning and 16 at the end. We can call it AU if you like XD.

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**Mello's POV**

I sat on my bed, alone in my room, studying so I could beat that big headed twit, Near. I was pretty damn lucky to have my solitude. In order to succeed L I needed to study, and to study I needed to focus completely, and, in order to achieve that I couldn't have some low ranked idiot share my room.

The knock on my door pulled me out of my reverie. Taking a bite out of my almost forgotten chocolate bar, I glared at the door, willing whoever was on the other side to leave.

Unfortunately, I don't have telepathic powers.

Roger, obviously not willing to wait for me to walk over and open the locked door (not that I would anyway, but still) used his key set and let himself in like he ran the place. What an ass.

And then, as if I wasn't already pissed off enough about the interruption, I figured out what was going on. Some kid was there. Some redhead with a striped shirt and damn anime goggles over his eyes was standing behind Roger looking hopelessly out of place. I'd never seen him before, and being there as long as I had been ensured that I knew everyone. He was new. He was new, Roger decided to bring him to MY room, and I currently didn't have a roommate.

Merry fucking Christmas to me.

Roger stepped in slapping that stupid look on his face. the one that said that he was delighted to be in my company, that he was proud of me. It was so fake, Near was first, not me. He wasn't proud of me. He was just trying to stoke my ego. It was the same damn thing every time. Damn phony.

"Mello, this is - " he began before I cut him off.

"My new roommate, yeah, surprisingly, I'm not an idiot," I snapped before letting a smug smirk to tug at my lips.

Funny, the redhead kid seemed to smile a bit when I did that.

"Well then," Roger tried to recover from my outburst and turned to the new kid, "Matt, this is Mello. He'll be your roommate for as long as you're here. Unless there's a severe problem. In that case don't hesitate to inform me."

I didn't like the way Roger's eyes drifted towards me when he said _problem_. I didn't like how he emphasized it either. Stupid old man.

What I really didn't like was the look of complete shock that appeared behind those stupid plastic goggles when Roger addressed me as "he". What kind of dumb ass would think that there'd be co-ed arrangements in an orphanage. Was he unaware of the whole concept of pregnancy? Plus, you know, the whole, he probably thought I was a girl before Roger said something sucked too, but really it was to be expected. How could it not be, honestly. I leave my hair long and I have a meticulous routine to ensure that it has the perfect texture and shine. I wear black leather on a daily basis - quite revealing black leather I might add. I also paint my nails black. Oh, and there's the whole feminine figure thing. So yeah, sometimes I get mistaken for a girl. Doesn't mean I liked the amused look in the new assholes face.

Roger kind of pushed him into the room and deposited a tan duffel bag in the corner before leaving and closing the door, effectively sealing the two of us off from the rest of the house. He probably went to go breast feed that albino freak or something.

I took another forceful bite from my chocolate, letting it melt in my mouth, loving the texture and consistency. I was glaring at him, naturally. I mean, he was new, he was in my room. It was my job to make sure he was officially unwelcome in the orphanage. Roger had given me first dibs. Maybe the old fart wasn't so useless after all...

His laughter broke my train of thought and I immediately turned my hardest glare onto him, which only served to intensify his _giggles_. I began to wonder if he had a death wish.

"Lemme guess," he began and I instantly pegged his accent. American. West Coast, "You're originally from...T-T-Transylvania."

He could barely get out the word through his obnoxiously faggy laughter.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I snapped, "Didn't they tell you ANYTHING? We're not supposed to talk about where we're originally from. It's a precaution you ignorant yankee."

"Whatever you say...doctor," He smirked and then put his bag on the bed opposite me. The bed that I used on weekends and holidays. I intensified my glare.

Also, what the fuck was with the whole doctor thing? Do I look like an MD? I didn't think so. But why would he say that?

"Soo..." God, did he ever SHUT UP? "That Roger guy. Is he like, your handyman?"

What the fuck was with all these weird assed questions? Come to think of it, he did dress kind of odd, he looked a bit sloppy. There were bags under his eyes too, though, those could have been shadows from the goggles.

"Are you high?" I asked, sincerely seeking an answer for his extremely odd behaviour.

He cocked his head at me and just stared for a moment. I could tell that he was studying me - trying to gauge whether or not I had been serious. I allowed my expression to convey that, believe it or not, my question was legitimate.

"Oh my God. You honestly don't know, do you?" he asked, looking at me incredulously, as if _I_ were the one spewing nonsense the entire time.

"Know what?" I snapped, how dare he accuse me of being less intelligent than him. how fucking dare he.

That's when he started laughing uncontrollably. It was almost amusing. He was flopping all over the place like he was having a damn seizure. He wasn't, obviously, because I knew all the signs of a seizure, but it looked a hell of a lot like it. The whole time he was laughing too - at ME! Kid pissed me off.

"KNOW WHAT?" I about screamed, in an attempt to snap him out of his damn giggle fit.

I was surprisingly successful. He stopped immediately, a brief look of panic in his eye, before he sat up straight on _his_ bed and looked at me, wiping tears from his eyes. I wanted nothing more than to go over there and rip the smirk off his face.

"It's nothing, just forget about it."

It turned out he, Matt, did do drugs. Well, he smoked cigarettes, but that was close enough for me. All those damn chemicals fucking up his body. Dumb ass.

It also turned out that he was pretty good with technological stuff, like computers and whatnot. One time he hacked a site and got a carton of chocolate - like two thousand bars, shipped to an abandoned house near the orphanage. We picked it up a few days later and didn't pay a cent. It was awesome.

Though it's hard to admit, it wasn't just computers and hacking Matt was brilliant at. He was, well, he was ranked third and it counted for more than most people thought.

I suppose he was good at the video games he played all the time instead of paying attention or studying. But I never really asked him about his childish habits.

Within about a year we had, well, we had become pretty close friends. I wasn't going soft or anything, but, you know, he...he kind of chilled me out. Hanging out with Matt allowed all of my worries to just fade to the background. Around him I could let myself be a proper teenager. It was a welcome feeling in a place so cold and intellectual.

He actually turned out to be a pretty sweet guy. He would listen to me rant about Near and Roger, never calling me wrong or correcting me in any way. He never tried to change anything I did, just kind of took me for who I was. To him I was Mello, not number two. It didn't matter if I was better than Near, or the top ranked student - I was just his roommate, his f-friend. Maybe even his best friend.

there was one thing that never stopped bugging me, however.

I never did understand why he acted the way he did the night he arrived, and it would enter my mind and, well, bug the shit out of me.

One night I was laying on my bed, studying of course, and Matt walked in. I looked up from my book when he closed the door and I was instantly reminded of that evening. I was tired of speculating though. I decided to do what I did best and take action.

"Matt?"

"Yeah Mells?"

Oh, right, he had that little pet-name for me. He only ever said it when we were alone together. It was kind of sickeningly sweet...or something. Sometimes...sometimes I called him Matty too. Only because he had thought of a clever nickname for me and I didn't want to be outdone though. Not because I liked him or anything...ha...what a thought...me and Matt...ha ha...anyway.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what? Smoke? Mells I always have a smoke after dinner, you know that."

"No not that, idiot. When you first got here, that first night," His eyes widened a bit behind his goggles and I smirked in return, "you were acting really odd. Tell me what that was all about."

"I told you to forget about it," he murmured, looking down at the floor. It looked like he was trying to hide his face or something. It was kind of c-interesting.

"Matty," I sighed, adding a wave of my arm for dramatic effect, "you've known me for over a year. Have you noticed that I do not take orders well?"

Then he did this thing, and I could tell he was getting really nervous. He shifted his weight onto his left leg, the weaker one since he was left handed. He also started scratching the back of his neck in that overly cliche way.

"I umm..." he started, "It was really nothing."

He didn't lie to me often, but when he did, it was painfully obvious. The pain not being in the feeling of betrayal I got, but rather the absolutely cringeworthy performance he gave while trying to lie. I think the only person worse at acting than Matt was Near, and Near isn't even capable of human emotions (that I'm aware of).

"Shut the fuck up and tell me, Matt."

"Promise you won't get mad?" he sounded really small when he said that. Kind of like how I used to speak to my Father before he - well, yeah. I was put in an orphanage for a reason.

"Matty, I promise I won't get mad."

He studied me for a moment before deeming it safe to continue. I couldn't help but worry if he was having this much anxiety over the whole thing.

"Well, you see, Mello, there's this movie...It's pretty popular. Kinda old though. When I saw you the first time you just - well you reminded me of...one of the characters. That's all."

"I reminded you of a movie character, so you acted like you were on drugs...you're such a geek."

Matt's face got a little of a pink hue to it, it was really funny to see him get all embarrassed when I made fun of him, or when I made sex jokes and stuff. He blushed so easily.

"Well," he began, speaking right into his chest, "you'd probably think it was funny if you saw the movie."

"Let's watch it then."

Matt looked up at me with that same disbelieving look, I don't know why he was so surprised that I wanted to watch a movie with him. Yeah it had been the first time I suggested such an action, but still, we were best friends. It shouldn't have been an issue.

"O-okay."

"Do you think they have it in the Library?"

He started laughing then, similar to the way he did on that first night. It was that dramatic irony kind of laugh. I don't like dramatic irony. Especially when I'm its victim.

"Doubt it," he eventually spit out, "I have it though."

I arched an eyebrow when Matt didn't go to his laptop. He was always the kind of person to illegally download movies and music, going on about how hollywood was just a sentient cash cow trying to brainwash the masses or something. If he had this movie on DVD that meant it must have been really good, that he really liked it. My curiosity was reignited. He pulled it out from his sock drawer. Weird. Was it a porn movie? Why would he hide it like that?

He didn't let my look at the cover either. Told me to close my eyes and turn around. Trying to boss me around. I was the boss in this place. Who did he think he was? Well, I did it anyway, but that's not the point.

He put it into his PlayStation 2. Apparently they can play DVD's as well as games. That's kind of handy.

Then the movie started.

It was fucking weird.

There were like red lips on the screen singing some song. A woman's lips, I think. It was a pretty catchy thing, for a musical.

Okay, okay, okay. I'll admit it. I'm a sucker for musicals. I just like the singing and the dancing. It's so delightfully unrealistic - almost like a romance novel or some romantic comedy.

There were some words on the screen, probably opening credits, but I didn't pay attention to them - I was busy looking at Matt, who was staring at the screen. He had the most peculiar expression on his face. It was the face he only had on when he was first starting a game. It was his planning face - his thinking face. I liked seeing the intelligence in his eyes for a change.

Then there was this wedding scene, with some weird ass photographers, and a priest who looked like a damn rapist or something. There was even these two farmers who just stood there like that Grant Wood painting.

Another song by a pretty cute couple. The guy was like proposing to her or something at his friends wedding. It was sweet because she caught the bouquet and everything. It was a really sweet song, very chaste and kind of romantic, but I guess it was kind of important because they were like planning a trip or something.

Then there was this old guy, said he was a criminologist and he started talking about plot stuff, kind of leading into the whole mess. My interest was increased. We were watching a movie with a criminologist, while in an orphanage full of genius children training to become the world's greatest detective.

The couple was driving and Nixon was blabbering on the car radio. There was a storm and they like broke down or something - predictable. It seemed like this was a horror movie...maybe. So cliche it was almost funny. Then they like, walked to the big scary house - because they were obviously stupid horror movie cast members.

That's about the last part of the movie that made sense.

After it was over I was literally speechless.

"And I reminded you of this movie how?" I bit out, completely missing it - obviously.

"Oh come on Mello? How could you miss that?"

"Shut the hell up, Matt. How am I at all like anyone in that movie?"

He blushed again. great. where the hell was this going?

"Well, umm, you're smart," duh, "and you're really emotional and passionate about most things," yeah, and? "and COME ON! You dress just like Dr. Frank N. Furter every day!"

He did not.

no.

"WHAT THE HELL MATT! ARE YOU CALLING ME A DAMN TRANSVESTITE?"

"Well, no, not really. You just remind me of him is all. You've got to admit though, he's pretty damn sexy."

"I DON'T PARADE AROUND IN HEELS OR WEAR MAKEUP OR - wait. What?"

"Tim Curry, the actor. He pulled it off perfectly. He's supposed to be like a kind of sex symbol. He succeeded."

"What're you gay? I mean, this whole movie was pretty damn gay."

"What does it matter?"

What did it matter? It mattered because Matt wasn't bad looking. At all. In fact, I sometimes had like, wet dreams about him or whatever. It's not like he knew. I would probably kill myself if he ever found out. Die of embarrassment and then kill myself. It mattered because _I _was pretty damn gay and _maybe_ if Matt was gay I'd have a shot.

"Never mind," I finally grumbled - trying to avoid his eyes. Then, I got an idea, "I guess you're right though, Matt. About Frank N. Furter. I mean, I am dead sexy."

To emphasize my point I stood up and ran my hands over my exposed torso and down my legs. Matt blushed. Fuck yes.

"There's just one thing though..." I trailed off, making him shiver with anticip - ation. (See, I can make references too).

"W-what?"

God he was blushing now. Like a damn girl. It was absolutely adorable.

"I don't think it would take me seven days to make a man out of you."

I think he probably would have dropped to the ground and fainted if I didn't take that opportunity to grab him and kiss him - something I've wanted to do since well, pretty much the day we met.

I was prepared for him to back away, maybe punch me, probably go get Roger to switch rooms. I'd lose him, yeah, but I'd have my privacy back. At least I wouldn't lose everything.

I was not prepared for Matt to _moan_. To fucking moan into the kiss and grab onto the front of my shirt, fisting it, pulling me toward him like some needy kid. I smiled and deepened it, prying his mouth open with my tongue.

I don't exactly remember what happened next. Actually, that's a lie, I remember every detail, but it's one of those precious memories that I really don't feel like sharing.

After a while we ended up on my bed, he was on top of me - panting. Sleep was coming upon both of us fairly quickly. He pushed himself up so that his face hovered above mine a bit, looked me dead in the eye with those beautiful deep blue ones of his and he said, "You're right, It only took you one day to make _me _a man. How long before you become one?"

And then he collapsed, laying his face in the crook of my neck, laughing breath tickling the sensitive skin there and I smiled.

Fuck, I love that kid.

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So yeah, that's it. My writing debut for my OTP. Like most other authors on here, I would very much appreciate any feedback. Preferably in review form. Also, I honestly don't mind flames if you think it's a steaming pile of crap, and you feel like expressing it passionately in leet speek because this is the internet - I kind of expect it.

_tl;dr Review Please?_


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